sTuPiD tItLeS...

today is monday, one of the worst days of the fuckin week. im off today, and tommorrow, and the next day. funnnn. I now have yet another stalker. another person to follow me around like a lost puppy. and to top it all off, this douche that i really really liked ...idk it complicated, hes complicated, all i can say is, he hurt me, he probibly doesnt even realize it, but he did. but whatever, it doesnt matter anyway. I reeally liked him, alot. But one situation after another and another and another, I cant take it anymore, time to let him go. but im finding thats a bit harder then i thought.

I sUcK aT cReAtEiNg TiTlEs FoR tHeSe ThInGs!i!i!i

It's 9:19, and I'm bored! I have no class tommorrow which is good, but theres somthing on my mind. And, I dont know if i should say anything or not. I guess, sometimes it's best to keep my mouth shut. Because I know if i say anything to this person, they will see me as something tottally different. It's hard to explain really.
Have you ever just thought of a person as more then a friend, but your afriad to tell them how you really feel in fear that you will lose them as your friend?... yeahhh that's me right now. ugh, I hate this. I mean people say love is just a game. But then there are others who would bend over backwards to please a person. I dont know, love is too complicated for me right now. I mean my god, I... I mean he... and me... I dont know for some reason now I think about it, maybe he's better off, maybe were better off apart. I mean who would fall for someone like me anyway? Probibly that "blaze" guy, GOD IM NOT THAT DESPRATE!

IdK wHaT tO cAlL tHiS sO iM gOiNg To JuSt sAy BlAhHhHh!!!

OMG, remeber that "blaze" kid...... ok now he wants to talk to me!!! WTF?? kid, i dont want to talk to you, you are a creaper!!!!!.... well, i wont bee seeing him for 2 weeks so no problem. Next monday i have off, and the monday after that, I think thats when the culinary arts convention thingy is going on! Cant wait for that, were going to the city and getting free stuff and meeting chefs and OMFG IM SO EXCITED!!!! .... yeah... so that should be fun! Hopefully I'll meet some nice hot guys in the process.... and...learn....of ...course... haha yeahhh... maybe! Cant make any promises!

Hmm, I guess nothing else is really going on right now, Im takeing bakeing and I got this tottally cool job!!! Soux chef!!! bwhahaha!!! i got to yell at people bwhaha!!! ..... Chef was so proud of my yelling abilities! XD and this week i will have that same job again!... yeyy... get to yell at all those people who sit around and do nothing!!! I didnt even know i could yell like that!!! and get this.... THEY LISTENED....TO ME!!! hahaha.... well, thats what they get for not doing what they are supposed to be doing!!! :)

I was looking at the plaque, this plaque i got from ASJ. It was for softball. the sportsmanship award for 2007-2008. I miss softball. I miss the team! As well as tennis. I was going through old year books of mine and I see how ugly i look... hahaha Looks nothing like me!!! well I guess it does since it is me, i just look bad! haha. But everyone says that about there school picture.

ok well im done, i dont wanna write anymore. Now off to make music!(piano) later!

Have not been on here in a long time! Hi people! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! and all that!!! How was everyone's first day of class? mine, was...interesting. Last semester, this kid asked me if i wanted to "blaze" but me being who i am, didnt know what that meant, so i said no, and he got all mad at me and wouldnt talk to me ever again. Well, crazi boy is back, and more high then ever!!! hes in the same class as me again and he keeps stareing at me, idk if thats his way of saying "hi, i know you." or "im going to murder you." Hopefully monday will be better.
Well, I'm still a little sick, but thats okay im sure I'll be better by tommorrow! Today was a boreing day. But hopefully tommorrow will be better! Cause tommorrow, im hopeing to see Madiha, who i havent seen in a long time. in fact, i havent seen anyone in a long time. :( that makes me sad! I miss ASJ people! OMG SPEAKING OF ASJ, WHO IS GOING TO THAT AUCTION THINGYYY I AM!!!! SO THAT MEANS YOU ALL BETTER BE THERE!!! :) ok im going to the gym. that is all!

Today was an... alright day. I didn't have reading class which was both good and bad. Good because i didn't feel like sitting there for an hour and a half, bad, because i..... eh id rather not say. So with reading canceled i decided to drive to the beach. I sat in the sand watched the waves roll by, I also saw surfers! And i wanted to be out there too!!! They were so lucky, being able to hover over the wave like that. i miss it, I wish summer would come back. The beach was so empty with out all the sunbathers, children, and annoying old people. But I liked it that way. So quite. Instead of heard loud, screaming kids, or the lifeguards whistle, or having peoples fuckin beach chairs crowding up the shore line..... ohh god i can go on. I guess they all just kind of get in my way. I mean the surfers always have to move down just so the other people can swim. I mean yes the ocean just doesn't belong to the surfers but... cant we just stay in one spot... and not move at all... or even better just lower the price of gilgo beach!!! to get in there is like 30$ unless your a resident then you go in and out for free!!! that beach is awesome. so many breaks! so many surfers. i wish i was there now! no screaming kids! But no I'm here, where its peaceful... yet it seems a little lifeless. I was at Field 5 Robert moses. And I had been going to that beach my whole life. As i got older more people were coming... and then the beach got smaller. so for the first time in like years i went to Field 5 which always used to take me forever just to reach the shore line. but what used to take me 20 mins now takes me only 20 seconds. made me sad to think about how much of this beach has eroded away.

CaNt GeT tHiS sOnG oUt Of My HeAd!!!!

"I Miss You"
(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, I miss you)(I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me
you're already The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me
you're already The voice inside my head

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me
you're already The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me
you're already The voice inside my head
(I miss you, I miss you)[x3](I miss you, I miss you) [x4]

...

Hmmm... today was..... interesting.... I.... dont .... know..... what ..... I did or how i managed to do it....... hmmm ..... well... i told him..... "i like you." and i think that went rather.... well...... hmm.... ... yeah..... sooo im... i dont know.... im happy.... i havent been happy in months... and..... now i ...i dont know.... im feeling alive again.... which..... is weird........ hmmm..... wow .... i can actually feel my heart beating..... like im almost whole again,.... eh not completely but ... itll do.